Knight in shining armor…

Here I am contemplating life and where I come from. I think about the book I am in the process of writing, and how healing from my past can ensure a happier present and future. 

My name is Eric Kehela, last name pronounced keh-hee-la; sounds similar to tequila {which is what my physical education teacher called me throughout middle school}. I am the first-generation descendant of  a Jewish, Latin American, Middle-Eastern and European family. My past has been filled with opportunity to love myself, whilst grandparents and relatives berated me as a way to educate and shape me. I remember I was shipped to live in Mexico City between third and fourth grade, with either of my mom’s married sisters. I was like Goldilocks looking for the perfect family. My mom is and has always been great, it was everyone else that needed to be perfected for the image I wanted my life to be. Life in Mexico is a chapter too long to write about in an about me post. 

“…it was everyone else that needed to be perfected for the image I wanted my life to be.”

I struggled to find myself amidst the darkness that was shined upon me. I was abused emotionally, psychologically and sexually. When I complained and questioned about the abusive behaviors, the adults covered it up by means of accepting of gendered behavior, by labeling. “It’s what boys do.” My aunt would say to me. I did not know taking naked pictures of me in makeup and a hair towel, was considered normal, especially as an eight-year-old.

 It’s what boys do.”

Learning to love myself more was more important than focusing on those who did not. I realized others within my bloodline, like my aunts, cousins and uncles, could not love me like I needed to be loved; inasmuch, I grew apart and grew from light. Suppressing my true self, I lived with shame, as I could not dare shame the family, or the family name, by being an out and proud homosexual. ” You are not gay. I know gay. You are not gay!”, my one aunt would say to me.

Do not shame our family name; as if we were the Rockefeller’s or the DuPont’s, which by the way, if we were, there would be nothing wrong with being me!

Though she did vehemently express that I was the one who left the palace, mom’s sister communicated ever so heartlessly, that we are not welcome to the “Family Manor”. My mom and I were denied shelter from the elements on Mother’s Day 2010, leaving us homeless for months, and passengers in a cosmic life-changing ride I would not change. Our lives changed that day. I learned that you can lose everything, even your family and you must hold onto yourself. No one can take you away from you, unless you let them. Being me has always felt like a struggle under their roof, and as an adult I no longer need to do so.

Altruistic Eric, felt like he needed to ensure everyone was appeased at all times, at all costs regardless of how he felt or the damage done.


As family can be obsessed with stigmatized appearance and demeanor, they can be controlling and offensive without even knowing. “Don’t move like that. Don’t speak like that…” They would berate, until one day I decided to stand up for who I am and I said very emotionally, “Do not tell me how to be! I am who I am and I will continue to be me! I am not ashamed of who I am and I will not be shamed anymore!”

“No one can take you away from you, unless you let them.”

I regained my sense of self. I rediscovered a love for myself that I have not known for over a decade. This whole time I was waiting to be rescued, until I saved myself and found that I am my knight in shining armor.

Love yourself.

You matter.

You are not alone.

I am not alone and neither are you.

Know this.

~Eric.

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One thought on “Knight in shining armor…

  1. You are and amazing soul, I’m glad I can say that you spent time in my book of life. Keep on Keep’n on and shine bright my dear. Always remember somebody out in this great big universe loves you <3

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